


Sleep to Wake

by Kmandergirl



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: AU, Denerim Cullen, Despair is my kink, F/M, Mild Smut, Nightmares, Thedas with no Inquisition, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-16
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-04-21 03:25:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4813163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kmandergirl/pseuds/Kmandergirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen is a captain in Denerim as a demon army is sweeping across Ferelden. Unable to discuss his summons to the battlefront with his wife, Cullen fears manifest in his dreams as he tries to come to terms with what he could lose in this battle</p>
<p>Super AU where Cullen joins the Denerim guard instead of Templars and Evelyn runs away from her noble life and never becomes Inquisitor and the possible implications to Thedas of having no Inquisition.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

_“So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane.” –John Green_

 

******

 

_The power of the swing is absorbed into my sword, the muscles of my arm instantly paralyzed, the clanging of the metal dropping to the ground echoed in my ears. I lose my footing, ending up back first in the dirt, crawling backwards clawing at the earth trying to pull myself away from the demon that is quickly approaching. I feel my nails pulling back from their beds as I so desperately try to find some purchase in the ground. Behind me my fingers close over something wet. Wrapping my fist around it, bringing it to my face to see blood-soaked red ringlets of hair. I feel my will leaving me as I clutch the hair to my chest. Having failed to protect her, my reason for existence is gone. I close my eyes, inhaling the jasmine smell of hair one last time as the creature descends._

My eyes had flown open in terror, I grabbed Evelyn out of bed, startling her awake, and crushed her to my chest as I inspected every inch of her body to ensure that she was intact. She had remained quiet as I frantically ran my hands from her hair to her face and mumbled prayers of thanks to the Maker for her safety. Her eyes had filled with fear, turning glassy from unshed tears as she watched mine roll out of my eyes and down my cheeks to soak my tunic.

She wrapped her arms around my neck, pulled me to her tightly. Into my ear, she had softly shushed like she was dealing with a cornered animal ready to lash out instead of her husband. The sound worked and I felt my muscles relax realizing how tightly I had been holding her waist. She sighed as my grip on her lightened and I had begun tracing circles on her sides with my thumbs. Her body vibrated as she hummed a lullaby while she stroked through my sweat laden hair, softly swaying back and forth with the rhythm of her song. Closing my eyes, I pressed my face into her shoulder to slowly inhale her.

****************

  
_A dragon was on the loose. I ran through the streets of the Capital, sword in hand, trying to save helpless citizens as fireballs cascaded at them from above. After inspecting the final houses on the block, I reenter the street and find it empty and the dragon replaced by Evelyn. Her red hair framing her face like the mane of a lion, her heat smoldering the buildings around her to ash. Glowing red eyes glare at me as she opens her mouth and flames pour over me._

She had already been awake. After two days of arguing. I have no more apologies to give her. I had imagined before what the day looked like when I was called to fight for the King. Our foreheads would meet, tears running down our cheeks together as we held one another against the approaching darkness. All night our mouths and bodies would meet as we tried to memorize every inch and curve of the other’s body. But my Evelyn has the soul of a dragon, fire coursing within her veins. Her mouth had opened and the harshest curses she knew had rolled off her tongue like flames in her attempts to inflict the same pain she was feeling. I had shaken my head at her and walked out of the house, blocking out the sound of breaking dishes behind me.

The guards seemed caught off guard by my casual state of dress as I walked the parapets to meet the Commander. His office was in a state of disarray with parchments and scouts in abundance. The Commander’s eyes looked tired and showed how little rest he had received since the summons to muster all forces for war had arrived. He eyes settled on me and quickly dismissed the scouts. He rounded his desk, sitting down hard and groaned at the ache in his muscles from constantly standing.

“Aye Captain, what gives me the pleasure of your visit today? Speaking of pleasure, why are you not doing unmentionable things to that gorgeous wife of yours? If my wife looked anything like the red-headed beauty of yours, trust me, my last two days of possible civilian life would not be spent looking at my face.” He grinned and pulled a crystal decanter out of the desk drawer and two glasses.

  
“She’ll have nothing to do with me, Commander. I imagine she’s burning down the house as we speak.” I sighed, taking the seat across from him, welcoming the glass with the caramel-colored brandy that I downed in one flip of my wrist. Chuckling, the Commander tipped his glass back finishing his liquor.

  
“That’s what you get for marrying into the line of a family who has hunted dragons for hundreds of years, Cullen. Those women sent most men running with their tails tucked between their legs, but not you. Not only did you brave the wrath of her family in just talking with her, but you had the gall to marry her and take her away from her family to live in the Capital. Sometimes I’m not sure if you’re an incredibly brave man or an incredibly stupid one.”

  
I held my empty glass out and the Commander refilled without question.

  
“You know sir, I’m not sure there’s a difference between the two.” A grin spread across my features in spite of the state of circumstances. The Commander raised his glass high in the air.

  
“To bravery!” His heavy voice roared in the empty office.

  
“To stupidity!” Our glasses clinked, creating a vacuum of sound as we sat in silence downing our liquid solace.

************

  
_I could not find comfort in my own bed. I reach out beside me to find Evelyn’s spot on the bed empty. Swinging my legs to the floor, I find myself stepping down into a chilled pool of water that comes up to my knees. I look up and seen Evelyn sitting in the middle of the flooded room. Her arms are wrapped around her legs, her body had shaking with gasping sobs. As each tear drop falls, the water level rises in the room. I try moving towards her, but my feet are held back by the currents of water. She looks up at me with red-rimmed eyes, “Can’t you see I’m drowning?”_

  
It had been hours before the dawn, but I would not return to sleep. Between the image of Evelyn in my dream and the memories of her sobs, I could not rest. Her tears had streamed down her face, hands clasped at my armor, begging me not to leave her. The demons I fought that night were not on a battlefield, but were my own. After waking I had removed myself from bed to the safety of my desk across the room. I had not trusted myself to not rush to her side and beg for forgiveness for all that had transpired in those two days.

  
Waiting there I had found myself watching her sleep for hours. The moonlight glided through the windows, illuminating the porcelain skin along her back. The rise and fall of her chest like waves lapping at the shore. She had been so still, her body forgetting in its dream state what clenched every muscle in her waking moments. Her peace had been cut short and she tossed and turned lightly, her hand reaching out towards my empty side of the bed. She whimpered in her sleep, rolling her head side to side as the nightmares came to take her.

  
I stood from behind my desk and approached her with light footsteps, crawled into the bed and took her into my arms. I felt her body relax as she buried her face in my chest. A slight smile tugged at the corner of her lips, and they parted, saying my name like a silent prayer. I felt that ache deep within my chest that threatened to spread to every limb as I watched her face relax as she slipped deeper into sleep. I held her tightly to my chest, lightly kissing her forehead, and held my nose to her hair, to breathe in her earthly smell of jasmine and sandalwood.

  
As the birds began to crow overhead. I separated myself from her and carefully finished packing my armor and swords before carefully tucking daggers into each boot. I pulled a heavy grey cloak over my shoulders and approached the desk, pulled out a sheet of parchment and quill and quickly wrote:

_Dearest Evelyn,_  
_I have no way to phrase how I feel about you into words. You have been everything to me from the moment I first laid eyes on you. I truly fear the sight of one more tear could actually break my heart. So I am taking the path of a brave/stupid man and I’m leaving before you wake so I don’t take that chance._  
_-Cullen_

I had begun to walk away from the parchment before I returned and scrawled underneath.

_I will always come back for you._

Grabbing my bags and sword, I exited our home quietly without looking back.


	2. Chapter 2

_Her laughter rings out throughout our home as she presents the plate in front of me and I question her if the blackened food it contained was truly edible as I move it around cautiously with a fork. Evelyn smacks my shoulder threatening that she would never attempt to cook for me again as she feigns pretend outrage. I joke as I tell her I would starve either way, but at least by not eating her cooking I could live without the taste of charcoal in my mouth. As she began to protest in jest, I pick her up, carrying her to the bed as I tell her I could think of other ways to quench my appetite, at least until I could hire a cook._

                After five days on the bandit-laden roads that wove through the country, I found my dreams and memories focused entirely on Evelyn. My mind was trying to break me before my enemies even got the chance to. Luckily, sleep was a luxury I couldn’t afford to have if I wanted to keep my throat uncut.  By my maps, I estimated myself a two-day hike from the King’s forces, maybe less if I skipped sleep entirely and headed straight for them which sounds better after every image of Evelyn’s fiery hair cascading down her bare skin as I had left our home in the cover of darkness kept assaulting my mind.

                On a night with heavy bandit patrols, I had hidden myself in the alcove of a cave where I had willingly let my mind wander to Evelyn. My thoughts tried to bring me to the last time I had seen her, but since each memory of her was tears falling from her eyes made my heart feel like it was being torn from my chest, I found myself thinking about the first time I had ever seen the beauty that would change the course of my life as my eyes drifted shut.

                _I had returned home for my sister’s wedding in what would be a pleasant summer for Ferelden. I couldn’t take my eyes off her flaming red hair as she’d twirled across the dance floor with every un-joined man that was desperately trying to gain her favor. I’d smile when our eyes would meet over the shoulders of her suitors, her eyes sparkling at the mischief I was encouraging. Later in the night, I caught her limping into the reception on blistered feet from an evening of floating across the dancefloor like angel. I had taken her arm to escort her inside as a gentleman, but with other ideas, she pulled me by the hand to a darkened gazebo nearby. Her delicate hands grabbed my collar, and pulled my mouth down to meet hers while she stood on her tiptoes, her lips meeting mine were like nothing I had experienced. She was made of fire and as her breath mixed with mine she melted the ice I hadn’t known was in my soul. I have no idea how long that kiss lasted, but after we parted all I could do was stare in wonder at her deep green eyes._ _My will was now hers, I had known in that first moment we locked eyes across a dancefloor. I held her hands that felt so tiny within my large callused ones while I placed a chaste kiss to her cheek that felt like fingers brushing over flames then pressed my lips to the hair at her temple and whispered ‘I’ll come back for you’. Every letter I ever wrote her ended with those words._

_It had taken me three years to complete my training with the royal army and the day I achieved my rank of captain and received the bag of coin with bonus and new pay, I had run into town from the barracks to deliver a payment to the landlord I had spoken to weeks ago and another to the blacksmith who had crafted a small silver ring months ago at my request. I raced from the keep on horseback as the sun was just hitting its peak in the sky. I had arrived hours later to her noble parents’ estate, running to the door out of breath. A servant had answered the door and had raised a questioning eyebrow as I had squeaked out Evelyn’s name as I still struggled with filling my lungs. I heard footsteps echoing behind the door and her head popped into view, emerald eyes wide and fiery hair loosely tossed in a bun on the back her head. I was staggered at how her beauty had grown in the years since our eyes had first met. Breathless now for another reason, I held up the key in one hand and the ring in another, unable to keep a grin off my face._

_Her body crashed into mine, laughter ringing out in all directions as I twirled her without care on the front porch her skirts expanding through the air reminiscent of the first time I had seen her dancing across that floor. Grabbing her hand, we had run to my horse ignoring the cries behind us to stop as our laughter filled the air like the sweetest music I’d ever heard. By evening we had recited our holy vows to a cleric in a nearby village and shortly after were consummating them in the guest accommodations of the town tavern. I had tried to offer the owner the last of my money, but the owner would hear nothing of it, citing that the Maker would strike him down by not blessing such a union._

_At dawn we left the tavern with a smile and simple kiss between man and wife as the morning rays of light broke over the wall of trees around us and mounted my horse and made the slow ride into the Capital. Leaving my horse at the gate, we wove our way through the crowds in the heart of the city until we came to a simple wooden house in the industrial district. I pressed the key into her hand as I motioned her towards the door. She unlocked the door with a satisfying click before I rushed forward and threw her over my shoulder and carried her over the threshold to our life together._

                My eyes fly open, lungs gasping for breath as the Evelyn in my dreams is pulled further and further from me. Those memories haunted every waking or slumbering hour on the road. I could not bear to sleep and would take my chance with the hordes of bandits waiting along the road to attack stragglers to the King’s army. I kept walking on blistered feet never stopping until I reached the camp.  

 

_Evelyn’s skin was blushing the color of wine where my kisses were trailing across it. She arched her head back, releasing a moan that caused a shudder of need through my body as I drug my nails slowly across her chest. She was intoxicating. Her cheeks were reddened, her long lashes fluttering against them as she struggled to keep her composure, to not crumble to the pleasure that was building within her. I brought a hand to her face, turned her jaw and crushed her mouth to my own. Over the sound of my heart hammering in my chest, I heard bells chiming in the distance. Voices had grown louder._

_“Stay with me,” she whispered breathlessly._

_“Always,” I groaned into her mouth as my tongue gained entry._

                “Captain!” The scout’s shout had brought me out of my oasis and back into real life and the painful soldier’s cot in which I’d been asleep. “Sir, we are on the move! The King needs your counsel immediately.” The scout had been merely a boy of fifteen and he had fear that had surfaced deep within his eyes. Before he had finished his sentence I rolled out of the cot, pulled my leather boots on and tightened the laces, threw my cloak over my shoulders and made my way out of the tent.

                The camp had been in a state of chaos with bells chiming in every direction and soldiers and scouts running from end to end gathering weapons and supplies. I pulled the flap back to enter the King’s tent without announcing myself. He stood around the war table in a heated discussion with the Commander and two lieutenants. As he spotted me, the King paused and moved away from the soldiers.

                “Captain, we must make haste immediately. Our entire force will move within the hour.” His face had aged years in the past few weeks and his exhaustion showed in every feature, but his eyes remained focused.

                “Yes sir, the Commander and I have battle plans drawn to the best approaches into the Marsh…,” I spoke before he interrupted me.

                “Captain, we’re not advancing forward. We have been deceived. Our enemies lay not ahead, but have gone around our army and advance uncontested towards the Capital.”

My legs went numb at his words. _The Capital._ The words echoed through my head as the grip on the pommel of my sword grew tighter.

“I shall lead the front line to challenge this army.” The sound of the voice crossing my lips had been barely recognizable. The king took my face in his hands and placed a kiss along my hairline.

“May the Maker watch over you soldier, may his hand guide your sword in glory as we fight back those who would drag us and those we love into the Void. He will guide your feet along the path and may he carry you when in your greatest need.”

My feet were already carrying my out of the tent and my sword was drawn, ready to take me into battle.


End file.
